When my heart moves in her direction,
my mind starts to feel terrified.
I saw moments of ending,
from the beginning.
I knew it wont last,
I knew one day it would hurt.
Still, I felt like I wanted this,
not knowing the price I would pay.
My desire came wrapped,
in the awareness of her loss.
Unaware life is uncertain,
as everything in it is alive.
I expected life will follow as a straight line,
If I chose her, if I loved her more,
and if I commit to her,
she will stay with me forever.
But life refused my bargain,
she changed, her feelings shifted.
Expecting permanence from people,
who constantly change and reshape their emotions,
is like holding water in my palms.
I learnt, everything that lives changes,
and all changes, teaches.
Everything that teaches, stays,
stays in a place and form that we never wanted.
I don’t suffer because something ended,
but because I lived imagining the future,
in a story my mind was writing.
The part of me that loved her became permanent,
even if it ended,
the person I've become in loving her will remain.
By
Sanji-Paul Arvind
**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.
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