Love, Imperfect But Beautiful

It feels like love has no place in my life,

After her, I am not able to love again.

I cannot love anyone who is not her,

not even myself.

Loving her is like breathing,

calm, natural and always in action.

My love stays hidden in the cave of my own chest,

and my silence speaks a thousand words.

Her smile stays forever in my heart,

her laughter fills me with pure happiness.

But the quiet pain of her being far away,

nothing in this world can match on earth.

I thought love stories are always beautiful,

but mine was like a painful one.

"Happily Ever After" is only in fairy tales,

in real life, it does not exist.

Still, I promise to wait for her,

no matter how many lifetimes it takes.

Even my tears are unable to erase

the name of her written on my soul.

I send my silent prayers,

my heart whispers to the universe.

This imperfect but beautiful love,

will stay forever, in every lifetime.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Self-Love

I remember that day my heart got broken,

Something inside me slowly got stolen,

I kept asking, “Why me?” again and again,

But only silence answered my pain.

I was begging for love like a lost man,

Doing everything, more than I can,

Still she never came to hold my hand,

I stood alone, and could not understand.

I almost lost my mind in that fight,

Dreaming of her love every single night,

I gave my all, with nothing to hide,

But still didn't choose me by her side.

That day I made a promise to me,

To love myself and finally be free,

No more running behind someone's heart,

No more breaking myself apart.

I was always real, always true,

My intentions were pure, through and through,

I pored so much, till I felt so dry,

Smiling outside, but inside I cry.

Now I know, I also deserve love,

From my own heart, that's more than enough,

No more begging, no more pain to prove,

I'll love myself... and move slowly.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Cinematic Story

My character was a guest appearance,

in the story she writes.

I only had a small paragraph of dialogue,

and a short presence in her life.

Yet the movie goes on without flashback

only to realise she erased my role,

as there was no need,

and had many others for important parts.

Not a hero, not a villain,

not even a supporting role.

Not many will know what my part was,

even when life nears its climax.

When I started to write my story,

her entry was post-interval,

but she became the main character,

shaping the story that leads to its end.

There was romance and dream songs,

arguments and misunderstanding,

villains, jokers and all extra's,

but there were no big actions for love.

She will be one of the most important

and a beautiful part of the story,

for she gave meaning to her role with me,

in ways only my story will highlight.

No matter how the story ends,

her character will always be my favorite.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Sanji Paul's World of Poems, Volume 4 - My Thoughts Flow Like a River

Sanji Paul's World of Poems, Volume 4

My Thoughts Flow Like a River

Now Live on

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B0GV3RJ7M5

Sanji-Paul’s World of Poems, Volume 4: My Thoughts Flow Like a River is a heartfelt 

collection of poems that explores deep emotions of love, heartbreak, memories, 

and self-realisation.

Through simple yet powerful words, the author takes readers on an emotional 

journey of loving someone deeply, losing them, and still carrying that love within. 

The poems reflect the heartfelt feelings, pain of separation, beauty of memories, 

confusion of the mind, and the strength that comes from letting go.

This book is not just about romance, but also about understanding true love 

beyond expectations and attachment. It shows how love can hurt, heal, 

and help a person grow into a better version of themselves.

Each poem flows like a river of thoughts, sometimes calm, sometimes intense, 

but always honest. Readers who have experienced love, loss, or emotional struggles

will easily connect with these words.

This collection reminds us that even when love is incomplete, it can still be 

meaningful, pure, and everlasting.

The Truth I Must Learn

My mind postpones the truth,

creating confusion and restless longing.

I live in the gap between knowing and acting,

in that gap, my suffering lives.

The truth follows me like a shadow,

yet I hesitate to turn and face it.

I am slowly fading from reality,

not gone, but not fully here.

I am just breathing and surviving,

as her weight rests on my chest.

My hands could easily push it of,

but my heart trembles to try.

I've become an audience to my own life,

watching all that is happening.

Expecting a happy ending,

not real but as a reel.

I wait for her, knowing she will not come,

My heart pains to accept,

that she is no longer in my life,

but a truth I must learn to live with.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Her Love Is Ammunition

My thoughts are filled with her beauty,

my heart loves every inch of her body,

My each brain cell wears her face,

and my soul has her name written on it.

I fully belong to her,

and her soul belongs to me

My love belongs to her,

and her hatred is for me.

It was not painful when she walked away,

But the next part after leaving was.

I had to leave my happy self in the past,

along with my heart that felt comfort.

I had to let go of a future I planned,

along with all the dreams with her.

I had to let go of all the parts of me,

that I had outgrown, even my identity.

The past wounds become visible,

unable to heal, fight or forget.

Even the strongest hearts,

and bravest men bleed in this pain.

On a battle filed called love,

a war between our two hearts,

her heart filled with love as ammunition,

and mine was ready to go down in love.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Love in Distance

My distance and silence,

are not the absence of my love.

The more far I am from her,

the more my love grows.

I gave her space,

to live where her heart feels happy.

I stepped aside not in anger,

but with full love in my heart.

Her happiness means more to me,

than her presence.

Even in her absence,

I still feel her presence in me.

My love once wanted to hold her,

now it stays by letting her go.

Her presence and absence,

doesn't have anything to do with my love.

I wish my tears could speak,

the burden my heart carries.

I wish my emotions could show

how it feels and burns for her.

Loving her truly, is to see her happy,

so, I gifted her my absence,

hoping it brings her peace,

It's proof that my love is real.

With her I have no pride, ego, anger,

all I have is patience, love,

emptiness, sadness as gifts,

rest all died with her when I let her go,

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

How She Owned My Soul

My eyes have forgotten sleep,

ever since she came into my heart

I feel a new excitement,

that has occupied my body and mind.

I will forget the whole world,

for she has settled in my dreams.

I has turned to be a spring,

ever since she settled in my dreams.

Some kind of magic has happened to me,

ever since my eyes met hers.

When my heart feels lonely,

I feel like I'm missing only her.

Like a morning sun rising,

is her bright shining eyes.

When I see her face,

my mornings are just divine.

I never stopped loving her,

my heart beats for her the same.

Every beat whispers her name,

and it affects my mind and soul.

I gave up on her as she did,

because I stopped seeing and talking,

doesn't mean I don't care.

she remains in thoughts, in my prayers.

She cut my soul with her smiles,

slowly burned it with her charm.

She killed me with her beauty,

and calmly owned my emotions and body.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

அவள் என் ஆன்மாவுக்கான மருந்து

அவளின் முகத்தை காணும்பொழுது,

ஏதோ ஒரு அறியாத மகிழ்ச்சி.

என் உடைந்த இதய துண்டுகள்

மீண்டும் ஒன்றுசேர்வது போல.

அதனைத் தொடர்ந்து ஒரு அமைதி நிலவுகிறது

சொர்க்கத்தில் இருப்பது போல உணர்வைத் தருகிறது.

அவளின் புன்னகை...

அது என் துக்கத்தைப் போக்கிவிடுகிறது.

அந்தக் கணத்தில்,

நான் சிந்தனைகளோடு போராடுவதில்லை...

ஏதோவொரு விதத்தில்,

அதுவே போதுமானதாக இருக்கிறது.

அவளுடன் பாதுகாப்பாக உணர நான் ஏங்கினேன்,

நான் உறுதியான, உண்மையான ஓர் அன்பை விரும்பினேன்.

கலப்படம் இல்லாத அவளின் இதயம் வேண்டினேன்,

தூய்மையான ஒரு காதலை உணர்ந்தேன்.

யுகயுகங்களாக நோயுற்றிருக்கும் என் ஆன்மாவுக்கு

அவள் ஓர் மருந்தாக இருந்தாள்.

இன்னும் எதனை முறை

இறந்து பிறக்க வேண்டும் என நான் அறியேன்.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

அவளும் என் இரவுகளும்

ஏனடி என்மேல் இத்தனை கோபம்,

என் கனவிலும் வரதயங்குகிறாய்,

உன்னைகாண ஆவலாக இருக்கும்

என் கண்களுக்கு இரக்கம் காட்டடி.

தூங்குவதற்காகக் கண்களை மூடுகிறேன்

உன்னை மட்டுமே கனவுகளில் கான.

நீ அங்கே வந்து சந்திப்பாய் என

ஏனெனில் அங்கே வலி பின்தொடர முடியாது.

மௌனம் உரக்க ஒலிக்கிறது

அப்போதுதான் இரவுகளைக் கடப்பது கடினம்.

நான் உன்னைத் தேடும்போது

​​நீ இங்கே இல்லை என்பதை உணர்கிறேன்.

என்றாவது ஒரு நாள்,

ஒரே ஒரு பார்வை போதும்

உன்னுடைய ஒரு சிரிப்பு போதும்

என் மனம் ஆறுதல் அடையும்.

என் இரவுகளாவது நிஜத்தை விட

அமைதியானதாக மாறலாம்.

அந்தப் பொய்யிலும் நான் உன்னை நேசிப்பேன்.

யதார்த்தத்தின் வலி கற்பனையில் இதமளிக்கட்டும்.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Soul Will R.I.G (Rest in Grief)

My words just wander,

Always searching only for her.

Knowing that she is no longer here,

They settle into depression.

My memories of her pain

Only to realise they are wounds.

Still bleeding, and still unhealed,

My heart became the reason for the hurt.

When the sun goes down,

And the moon rises.

Memories of her haunts,

And they do not ask for permission.

They just invade my mind,

And start ruling my dreams.

I see her in my shadows,

And feel her in the silentness.

I thought she came into my life,

to show me the love I never had,

Then she showed me her love,

And said I couldn't have it.

I hope the grief of her

doesn't follow me to my grave.

It will no longer be "R.I.P",

But "R.I.G." on my tomb.

R.I.G

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Jealousy Of My Heart

My heart becomes jealous,

of all those eyes, mouths, ears,

that sees, talks and listens to her every day,

that is how much I miss her.

Her memories are very sacred,

that I have no regrets in holding onto,

it reminds me of the happiness that felt real,

and her bond will not fade easily.

All ordinary moments with her

felt natural and now seems special.

I dont need insta or facebook,

as she is connected with me forever.

My love bloomed for the one,

who did not have a heart to see it.

Even in loneliness I love her fully,

As it has become a part of my daily life.

Even with two different lives,

two different directions,

and two different paths,

my soul will still be connected to her.

She is my destined ocean and I a river,

no matter how long the journey is,

the hurdles, ups and downs in life,

none can change the destination.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Death of My Love For Her

Letting go of the version of her,

which my heart still remembers, hurts more.

But my pain has learned to survive,

and to live within my heart.

The wounds of her don't need healing,

they can remain as reminders.

When my heart needed comfort,

She gave me a lesson.

And the hardest part is,

waiting quietly and patiently,

knowing that she will never come,

to stay, to meet and to talk

She did not just walk away,

she changed me to become better.

My mind went into protective mode,

questioning why and what hurt me.

My battles are within myself,

and my survival looks calm from outside.

My heart was never a waiting room,

one goes and it waits for another.

She changed the direction of my life,

a story of my heart, waiting and grieving,

for the love I grew and nurtured for her,

died in an accident called hope.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Loving Her, In Her Absence

When she whispered my name,

It felt like a spell I couldn't resist,

as if she had marked my soul,

with her invisible seal.

I gave up my ego and pride,

not out of weakness.

It was out of love and care,

I knelt to her energy, my addiction.

There were a hundred reasons to give up,

but my love alone was enough to keep me going.

When she came into my life,

I wasn't looking for love.

But when I began to wait for her,

she was already leaving.

And when I loved her the most

I lost her forever.

My love was never loud or grand,

it lived quietly in moments,

in the seconds I spent beside her,

where loving her felt enough.

She never knew

that our meeting,

felt like something written,

by the very gods she prays to.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Anger Was My Love

Her energy lingers around me,

even after she walked away.

Her name has become my favorite song,

one I hum without knowing.

In a world that performs to win hearts,

I was only trying to be honest and real.

Her memories feel like a deep breath,

whenever my heart is in chaos, they soothe.

Even is she couldn't walk this journey,

her memories still accompany me.

It's a lifelong journey,

and she walks beside me through every high and low.

She was never just a fleeting feeling,

moments with her refuse to fade with time.

It's something deeper than words can capture,

a bond that keeps me from ever feeling alone.

I chose her every single day,

even on the days when it wasn't easy.

I'm madly crazily, deeply in love with her

nothing in this world can change that.

All the anger she ever saw was once love,

which I gave without holding back,

Even when my heart was wounded,

I stayed… I loved… I hoped…

And maybe she never saw it,

That every harsh word i spoke

Was a love that didn’t know how to be quiet,

a heart that wasn’t ready to lose her.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Life Around Her

A short walk with her felt meaningful,

a small chit-chat's felt deeper.

Quiet moments without words,

brought comfort in untold ways.

My burdens felt lighter,

and happiness felt stronger,

I wished for it to multiply,

but the universe chose to subtract.

My life grew richer, fuller,

more meaningful with her beside me.

Her presence transformed everything,

even the smallest moments we shred.

She turned the simplest pieces of my life

into memories I'll hold forever.

I may not feel her touch,

but I feel her between the moments of my day.

I am unable to silence my mind,

it keeps returning only to her.

My heart refuses to forget,

how it felt in her presence.

Distance may have taken everything,

though miles stand in between.

Nothing can erase her within me,

because presence isn't bound by closeness.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

A Blessing That Said Goodbye

She came into my life as a blessing,

and left as though I were her curse.

Yet my heart still runs towards her,

for in her, it finds its peace.

In a world where everything is temporary,

people, noise and endless confusions.

She felt like home I needed,

A quiet kind of calm.

I gave her my vulnerable pieces,

the ones that could break me.

Trusting she would hold them with care,

because my love was never just affection.

Days, weeks, months and decades may pass,

Yet I'll wait for my soul's missing part.

I live life, yet feel the emptiness,

even in arms that try to care.

Even with people all around,

I still feel alone.

Even with a heart that's whole,

I feel hollow inside.

I've lost the truest version of me,

I've become a stranger to myself.

My real self left, went behind her,

the moment she walked away

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

In The Fire Of Her Pain

Her love was not a prize to choose,

not something I could win or lose.

Just a small spark I got one day,

my love made it grow, forever it will stay.

She got angry I loved her too much,

it was too hard for her to touch.

I never knew this pain before,

the pain she left inside my core.

Thoughts of her take me so high,

my love keeps growing and it will never die.

I felt I touched her heart once,

and started hoping for a chance.

I only wish she never sees

someone like her in someone else, please.

I don't want her heart to feel,

all the pain I felt for real.

I wish I can pull her from my dreams,

and hold her tight in my arms.

I wish those dreams would be true one day,

and time stops so I can hold her forever.

I created a heaven for her within,

but now it feels like hell I'm in.

The fire of her pain has burned my soul,

the one I gave her, true and whole.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Sound of My Love

I have said "I love you"

in a hundred different ways,

yet she never heard it,

for it never comes out in those exact words.

My love lived

in the quiet corners of my sentences,

hidden between pauses

wrapped in ordinary days.

In every "bye, see you tomorrow.”

there was a promise of return.

In every "take care".

was a prayer I never spoke aloud.

When I said,

"reach home safe",

it was my heart

walking beside her in the dark.

In "text me when you reach",

it was not a habit,

it was the waiting,

that only love understands.

In "tell me if you need anything"

I offered more than help,

I offered myself

without saying so.

In "don't worry, everything will be fine"

I tried to become the certainty

I wished

the world would give her.

"I am always there for you"

are not just words,

but a place

I built for her in my soul.

"Let me know where you are"

it wasn't control,

but the fear

of losing the light I found in her.

My "be careful around others"

was not fear,

It was responsibility, to keep her away

from the dark side of the world I know.

In "sleep well"

I tucked my thoughts around her dreams.

In "eat on time", I cared for the health,

of the one I love the most.

And when I said,

"you are the best thing that happened in my life"

that was the closest, I came

to say it plainly.

But my love was never loud.

It was a language of small things,

I am always there to care,

even when it felt "too much" for her.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Devotion, Dedication and Desire

My love for her is a devotion

it grew within my heart as dedication.

She has become my only desire,

and my passion towards her is driven.

All the love for her,

it doesn't want to leave my heart.

It wishes to stay quietly,

knowing no one will see.

She stays in my thoughts forever,

in all that I do, in every routine.

When the whole worlds goes to sleep,

my love doesn't, it awakens within my heart.

The most critical part of my love,

is not when she left.

but what happened after,

now my heart beats only for survival

I cannot promise to stop loving her,

even the day the world stops spinning.

If the world pauses for a while,

even in that space, I will love her.

If my heartbeat slows down

and my lungs take their last breath,

I still cannot stop or unlove her,

for she is loved more by my soul.

Only in her arms will I find the way,

that leads me home, into her heart.

The day she opens her arms for me,

I will be pulled into her like gravity.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.