I Am Waiting

My eyes wait for her sight,

My mouth waits to speak of her

And my ears wait to hear her voice.

My hands wait to hold hers,

My legs wait to walk beside her,

And my body waits to feel her presence.

My mind waits for her thoughts,

My heart waits to beat for her,

And my soul waits to join hers.

My lungs wait to breathe her scent,

My nerves wait to feel her energy,

And my blood waits to race around her.

My days wait for her bright face,

My nights wait for her cuddles,

And my sleep waits for her dreams.

My love waits to pour upon her,

My prayers wait for her return,

And my life waits to see her happy forever.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

She Is Not the One I Knew

She has changed,

like a cocoon

turning into a butterfly,

Now everyone sees her,

the colours, the shine,

the way she catches every eye.

But I remember

when there was nothing to see,

no wings, no light,

no one stopped to look.

I stayed then.

not loudly, not proudly,

just there,

loving her in my own silent way.

Even if she has remained the same,

even if the world never noticed her,

I know,

my heart would have stayed the same,

Now she walks in light

and people follow that glow.

This is how the world is,

people gather until things shine.

But I saw her

when she was still finding herself,

still unsure and hidden from everyone.

And maybe,

that is why my love feels different,

it began with no proclamation,

before the world gave her a name.

She has changed,

her world has changed,

everything around her is new.

But one thing hasn't,

the way I still feel for her,

quiet, steady,

the same as before.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

All That I Was But Never Could be The One

When she was lonely,

I became her friend.

When she was worried,

I became her comfort.

When she was sick,

I became her cure.

When she wanted to fight,

I became her sibling.

When she wanted to care,

I became her pet.

When she wanted to sleep,

I became her dream.

When she was happy,

I became the reason.

When she was sad,

I became her therapy.

When she was angry,

I became her punching bag.

When she was sleepy,

I became her mother.

When she was tired,

I became her father.

When she was hungry,

I became her cook.

When she wanted attention,

I became her fan.

When she wanted to read,

I became her author.

When she wanted to be praised,

I became her poet.

I was all that she needed,

The one who waited, who bent, who stayed.

But when she wanted love,

I could never become her one.

I gave all, I became all I could be,

And still, I could not bceome the one.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Silent Screams of My Heart

She broke my heart,

But not my dreams.

She made my heart weak,

But not my strength in loving her.

It feels like my dreams are exhausted,

Except for her, nothing appears.

My mouth has become a vault for the unsaid words

And I cling to the suffering caused by her.

I stopped fighting for her,

Because when I took one step forward,

She ensured to take two back,

And in the end, she blamed me for no effort.

I still feel the pain in my heart,

Born out of loving her.

Bonds don't vanish overnight,

Even when her absence arrives quietly.

The pain always resurfaces,

Becoming a reason for my distance.

Loss is loss, no matter what,

Some pains must be handled within.

I smiled when my heart was screaming,

I was polite when my soul was burning

I swallowed my pride in fear of losing,

The truth in my words choked me into silence.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

She is My Wonder

I don't need to see the wonders of the world,

She has all the wonder in her.

From her hair, her eyes to her lips,

from her neck to her hips,

down to the tip of her toes,

every part of her feels like poetry.

If I try to explain,

I might lose myself in the attempt.

That is how she lives in my eyes,

Just like the nature,

the sun, the moon, the stars,

the oceans and the volcanoes on this earth.

I can go inch by inch,

part by part, without a pause,

still searching for the words,

to describe her,

her beauty, inside and out.

Even if I am forbidden to write,

I would still have too much to say.

But the best parts of her

are not for the world,

they belong only

to my heart and soul to cherish.

Her body itself is a language,

I wish to learn completely.

There are no words enough,

to describe her beauty.

Even dreams turn into poetry,

just trying to hold her charm

She is so charming,

that is why she is my darling.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Weight of Her Bond

I have smiled like an idiot,

When she passed through my thoughts.

I often grew distracted,

Forgetting the reason for my living.

I wanted to tell her so many things,

But I chose to show them instead.

When her hands are around me, it was heaven,

Her voice could make any day better.

She looked at me but failed to see,

She heard me many times but failed to listen,

She spoke to me but failed to be true,

Now I am left with a piece of her with me.

Even when the feeling of loss grew heavy,

The weight of the bond never became a burden.

I grieved the love she denied,

And the emotions she buried alive.

I romanticized the moments that hurt me,

And minimizing the pain they caused.

I just didn't see her, I witnessed her,

My eyes blurred what my mind refused to accept.

What I didn't say, turned into pressure and pain,

My heart collapsed, and my soul exhausted.

May she prosper with the love and care I gave,

For that was the only thing I ever wished for her life.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Promises to My Grave

I opened my heart for her,

She treated it like a playground.

When the game was finally over,

She left without looking back.

I was always a quiet person,

I never open up too many.

I kept my circle small,

Because I never craved attention.

But I let her see the real me,

An unfiltered truth no one else knows.

She wasn't just another face,

I trusted her, because she was rare.

Some of the darkest nights may end,

And the worst days begin to change.

Volcanoes settle, and tsunamis calm,

Yet the pain of her forever grows.

I tried to love her when she was broken,

And I paid the price in tears.

Many would have promised her and failed,

But I'll keep mine, until my grave.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Her Silence Was Hell

Often, she gave me silent treatment,

Only to punish and torment.

I thought hell was noisy and full of fire,

But she taught me otherwise in her ire.

Her silence felt unbearable,

Revealing how cold hell can be.

External pain is not always flame,

But suffering that has no scream.

My silent cries she could not hear,

Yet her silence taught me to fear.

I thought it was only her alone,

In silence, even the gods are gone.

Living among people who will laugh and stare,

Watching me suffer without her.

Some are vultures seeking satisfaction,

Feasting on others' pain.

So, I will never show my pain to the world,

That never understood love's hold.

The torment I carry is mine alone,

As her silence dragged me into hell, unknown.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Power of Her Touch

In her touch, there is medicine,

That calms my heart and mind.

When my cortisol rises high,

Her touch awakens my oxytocin.

In her touch, my breathing slows,

My blood flows at a steady pace.

My heartbeat finds its rhythm,

And my blood pressure finds its place.

In her touch, my worries fade to silence,

And my nerves feel safe & secure.

The whole world disappears,

And I behave like a child once more.

In her touch, my whole system resets,

My strength rises to its peak.

It is not just affection,

But survival's regulation I seek.

Her touch is not just pleasant,

It is true, profound healing.

In her touch, there is medicine,

That calms my heart and mind.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Empty Space of Hers

When she left, her impressions remained,

I wanted to prove I could even love her absence.

Now my nights feel longer,

My mind is crowded with unsaid words.

Every time I saw her, I fell for her,

Not once, not twice, but every time.

Each time my love grew larger,

Than it had been before.

I loved her without conditions

As she never kept a measure.

I only knew how to love,

Not how to be loved.

One day she will know the truth,

And it would be too late.

Her belief in others' opinions,

Has only created distance.

She will never know the access she held,

How rare it is for others to find.

Some parts of me remain unreachable,

Except to those my soul recognises.

The space where she was is empty now,

Because it was hers alone,

I love the emptiness she left behind.

My mind understood but my heart did not.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Her Memories Shine Forever

She will never see you,

Not who you were to her.

She is no longer the one,

You saw and fell for.

Time changes people,

Their ways and their hearts.

But the love for that one soul,

Stays fresh and alive forever.

She can find someone better,

You can move on, grow or stumble.

She may fill your space with others,

but hers will stay empty forever.

Your heart broke once,

Yet it pains every day.

Your soul longs to go back,

To something deeper you felt, but not her.

   By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

She Stays in Small Things

Her beauty caught my eye,

her body drew me in,

but her mind,

her mind holds me tight.

It is there I find her properly

not in big words,

but in small talks,

in the way she listens

and makes simple things feel important.

Loving her is not something fast,

not something that comes and goes.

It is a choice I keep making,

even in ordinary days,

even in silence.

It is not just how she looks,

but how she thinks,

how she speaks,

how she makes me think more than I used to.

She stays with me after she leaves,

in small moments of the day,

in random thoughts,

in things I suddenly want to tell her.

And I keep going back to her,

not because I have to,

but because with her,

life feels real, calm, and enough.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Kindness Killed Me

Luckily my mind cannot hold a pen,

I can't imagine how much it wants to write.

Luckily my heart does not have legs,

It is eager to run towards her every night.

She captured my most dangerous weapon,

My mind, it stopped to think, and to fight.

She enslaved my most precious part,

My heart, now she owns its light.

Every breath awakens old memories,

Moments with her ended without closure.

I don't know if we could've had forever,

But I'd have stayed, even though it was a disaster.

My proof of a love is carved so deep,

That forever my promises I'll keep.

I will remain invisible to her,

Even when I gave all I could.

They say kindness and love are languages,

A deaf can hear and a blind can see.

Yet my kindness is what got me killed,

And my love taught her to hate me.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Rainbow is the Colour of My Love

Some people love in black or white,

Some stories live in shades of grey,

But my love shines colours bright,

Like a rainbow during any day.

Red is passion, strong, and true,

A fire burning deep inside.

Orange brings joy in all I do,

Where laughter stays right by my side

Yellow shines as friendships warm,

A sunny light that helps us grow.

Green cares through calm and storm,

A love that strengthens as we go.

Blue is peace and loyalty,

A steady heart through rising tide.

Indigo knows us, soul to soul,

Where trust and mystery coincide.

Violet dreams of all we could be,

Of change, of hope, of love making me whole.

All these colours live in me,

The rainbow beating in my soul.

Each colour speaks of deep emotion,

Showing all the shades of my love.

They form a bright rainbow like a devotion,

My love shines clear, this truth I prove.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Her Absence Follows Me

She became rude and cold,

even when I stayed calm.

She walked away like I was never mattered,

while I held her like she was everything.

She made me feel small,

so, leaving became easy for her.

She showed me as a problem,

and called herself the victim of my love.

My emotions are imprisoned in mind,

a prison I cannot escape.

Her heart was my goal,

to reach, my love was a tool.

She broke my hope with mixed signals,

and never understood my efforts.

When I tried to protect myself,

she thought I was hurting her

Every day that passes,

adds one more day of missing her.

But truth is, I lose one day,

from the life that remains to live.

I am not fighting her hatred,

I am fighting her absence like a retard.

Every silence reminds me she is gone,

But her absence follows me everywhere.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

A Timeless Truth She'll Never Know

It feels like we’ve known each other from many live,

She felt so real, so true and close to my heart.

Some souls come to bring peace,

And some to ignite the fire within.

When I first saw her, something just clicked,

Like my heart knew her before.

That connection we had, it was strong,

Something I cannot explain to no one.

Now she is lives in my imagination,

Where she remains perfect and untouchable.

I tried my best to love her fully,

But maybe her heart was addicted to avoiding me.

Still I don't blame her for anything,

Maybe this was how it was meant to be.

Some things in life we cannot change,

No matter how much we want to.

My fate was written long before and sealed,

Destiny played its web around my life.

I cannot change what is already written,

Still my love whispers timeless truth.

Even today, somewhere deep inside,

My love for her remains.

Not asking for anything, not expecting anything,

Just loving, and praying for all the happiness in life.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

My Love Chose Her

She could be loved by many,

But will she be chosen, the way I chose her?

She will find chemistry,

But will she find a person who can truly commit?

Being loved by others is just an emotion,

But choosing her is a conscious decision.

My love comes with intention and integrity,

Being loved is easy, but choosing needs effort.

My quietness is a proof,

That she matters, even if it is a burden.

I never wanted her to feel it,

But I wanted her to know it.

I would never judge her,

Nor expect her to be perfect, only real.

I never wanted to guess about her,

But I would be eager to know everything.

I have always given her time,

To talk about anything, even if it's stupid.

I lend my ears to all that she says,

Not to argue or judge, but only to understand.

All that matters to her matters to me,

Not only her happiness, but anger, and sadness too.

I will know her better only when she opens up,

And I have my whole life for that.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

I Started to Like Missing Her

All her promises turned out to be excuses,

For she couldn't hold the truth of mine.

The longer her distance became,

The harder my connection grew.

The thoughts of her are stagnant,

And my love remains intact.

I wished to see the sunset with her,

But now my days have turned dark.

She will never know,

nothing seems same without her

And I keep smiling alone

Every time I think of her.

I have replayed moments with her every day,

And my favourite day will be when I hear from her.

I only wish my thoughts can travel,

So, I can send all mine about her to her.

And the best part of each day,

it ends with still missing her.

Now my favourite feeling,

That I eagerly wait to feel.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

என் சோகக் கதை

மழையில் அழுதிட ஆசைப்பட்டேன்,

என் கண்ணீரை கண்டு மழையே நின்றது.

தீயில் கருகிட நினைத்தேன்,

என் உள்ளம் எரிவதை கண்டு தீயும் அணைந்தது.

அடர்ந்த காட்டின் நிழலில் நின்றேன்,

என் தனிமையை உணர்ந்து காடே விலகியது.

வானத்தை நோக்கி வருந்தி பார்த்தேன்,

நிலா சிரித்து — “நீயும் நானும் ஒன்றே,” என்றது.

மருந்து தேடி மருத்துவரை நாடினேன்,

“இது நோயல்ல… முடிவற்ற நிலை,” என்றார்.

“மண்ணாகும் வரை தொடரும் இது,

மண்ணே அதன் இறுதி மருந்து,” என்றார்.

பிரிவை தாங்க முடியாமல் மரணத்தை நாடினேன்,

“உன் வலியை விட இங்கு குறைவே,” என்றது அது.

கடைசியில் கடவுளை தேடி சென்றேன்,

என்னை கண்டதும் கடவுளும் கல்லாய் நின்றார்.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Room She Built

The world holds one ocean,

only known by different names.

My love for her is like that ocean,

she saw me in different ways.

No matter where a river is born,

or how far its journey goes,

it finds its way to the ocean,

becoming its part of it forever.

No matter where she began,

and how she walks through this life,

one day she will reach my soul,

and we will become one again.

I miss her in every small moment,

throughout the day and all of night,

everything feels incomplete,

without her by my side.

I chose her in this life too,

to love her immensely,

even if it means,

she can break my heart.

When se came into my heartheart,

she built a room for us,

started decorating it,

and left before it was done.

The room remains unfinished,

weak, but still standing.

I tried to tear it down,

but couldn't.

Because she built it,

and even in its ruins,

I want to live there,

holding dear, all her memories.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

In My Thoughts, In My Action and In My Words

She was not mine in this life,

I let her go, and I'm at peace.

I will try again in another,

as I always do, searching for her.

Her love stayed for a while,

like a wave that rose, then crashed.

But love does not disappear.

it settles, quiet and eternal.

My love for her was a gift,

like sunlight given freely to the earth.

I gave her all of mine to keep,

never asking in return, never regretted it.

I loved her because she mattered most,

because I saw something worth falling for.

My love no longer stays beside her,

it lives within her, where once I did.

One day she will feel a warmth,

she cannot quite explain,

like a fleeting dream or distant memory,

that will be me, still loving her.

I will miss her always,

feeling her absence in the smallest things.

In my thoughts, in my actions, in my words,

a piece of her remains with me.

It reminds me each day,

that what I felt was deep and irreplaceable.

And until the day she feels it too,

I will go on loving her.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

The Fire She Created

I wanted her presence,

Stitched into my everyday life.

Not only I wanted her love,

But also a place in her soul.

What I felt for her is not a spark,

It was a fire burning within.

My love will never fade,

It is eternal, like time.

I did not choose her with words,

I chose her with my actions, my heart.

It was more than just love,

A connection beyond this world.

The fire within burns only for her,

Faithful, endless, and true.

My days revolved around her emotions,

the good, the bad, and the worst.

Now I stand alone after it all,

Blaming myself for what went wrong.

Searching for strength in a heart,

That feels torn once again.

She gave life to something new,

But died before it could grow.

When something dies inside,

Then we lose the fear of death itself.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Letting Her Go with No Regret

She worried about society,

Not the voice inside her heart.

My love did not end in togetherness,

It ended in letting go.

She was never meant to be held forever.

The way I loved her,

Was by leaving her in peace.

I did not hold anger in my head,

because love is not ownership,

It is understanding.

I did not leave because I stopped caring,

I left because staying would have hurt us both.

When I spoke my truth,

it sounded weak to the world.

So, I kept my pain, turning into strength.

She was a small lamp in my life,

Not bright like the sun,

not dark like the night.

Just enough light,

to show me myself.

I let her go without anger, without regret,

Though she'll never know

that I will always remember.

My goodbye was not for her,

But for the version of her I created within me.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

A Monster, Thirsty of Her Love

When I was with her,

I carried her pain.

Now that she is gone,

I carry both,

her pain and the love that remained.

I buried the version of me,

that loved her without limits,

afraid that if he rises again,

he will forget the rules

this world survives on.

And what returns

will not be him,

but something wilder,

a monster, thirsty of her love,

something the world will not forgive.

Her pull defies reason

stronger than gravity,

quicker than metal to a magnet.

Even buried deep,

I feel her drawing me back to the surface.

If death stood before me,

and she stood beside me,

the soul would hesitate, lingering,

unwilling to leave,

the body she once touched.

I poured love into her,

like it would never run dry,

like one day she might look back,

and feels its warmth,

long after I'm gone.

I only hope she holds onto it,

even when I am no longer there

to witness,

what truly she felt

but never chose to show me.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.

Another Chance, Another Life

She thinks this is our first meeting,

but I have known her since before time knew her name.

This love wasn’t born here, its been carried

through many lifetimes and stitched into my soul.

Fate, destiny, and endless time,

souls remember their twins.

And I know she is part of my flame,

as she has been for so long.

There is a world without us knowing,

where my hands hold hers,

where we never had to say goodbye,

and are still laughing, choosing each other each day.

My love for her is true love and unwavering,

it will not fade with time.

It will wait patiently, across all worlds,

to meet her again, and again.

And when that moment becomes real,

our hearts won't collide,

they will recognise each other

as they did in the past.

Some goodbyes are only temporary,

for hearts that truly love will meet again.

Maybe this life wasn't meant for us,

So, its fine that I lost her.

I will wait for another lifetime,

for another chance to see her again.

And in that life, I only wish

to find her at the right time.

For

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.