When My Emotions Depended on Her + Song

Her pain began from desire,

and I kept burning in endless pain.

My mind was always full of her,

and slowly, desire became attachment.

A soft feeling inside my heart

that said, “I need her to feel happy.”

But attachment never comes alone,

it also brings expectations.

I started expecting things from her,

her words, her replies, her care

to fill the emptiness inside me.

But reality was different

and the difference brought sadness,

frustration, and heartbreak.

She looked similar to me,

but our nature was very different.

Slowly, my happiness

started depending on her behaviour,

her responses,

and whether she understood me or not.

When she acted differently,

it hurt me deeply.

Then I understood

that love should be free,

without pressure, demands, or control.

I loved her like she was my destiny,

giving everything while asking for nothing.

Now my love feels quieter,

more open and selfless.

It only wants her happiness and growth,

even if that means letting her go.

My emotions were tied to expectations,

I became dependent on her yes and no.

Her “no” brought me sadness and pain,

while her “yes”

would have felt like heaven.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

Listen To Song

A Part of Me Still Chooses Her

I thought she came to end something,

but she started something

that will stay in me forever.

I walked away from her,

even when I could never unlove her,

not with anger, not with hatred.

Now I carry pain, I never caused,

because I was treated like an enemy,

just for loving truly.

Maybe peace felt stranger to her,

maybe my calm love felt boring,

or maybe she was not used to it.

My honesty became boring,

my loyalty became controlling

and my kindness became manipulation.

My heart does not understand logic,

even when my mind knows

she will never come back.

My mind knows she is not mine,

but feelings does not listen easily,

they dance, even for the thoughts of her.

I stay stuck,

between letting go and holding on,

because my heart still loves her.

Even when I know nothing will change,

even when I know I cannot have her,

a small part of me, still chooses her

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

Things I love About Her That She doesn't Know

There are certain things she does,

without ever realizing

how completely they capture my attention.

Little things, natural things.

The kind of things that remind me

to never ask her to be anything

other than exactly who she is.

She twirls her hair when she's thinking,

completely unaware of it.

It's such a small gesture,

but there's something about its effortless nature

that I find endlessly charming,

and, if I'm honest,

a little bit sexy too.

She gives affection without reason.

No occasion, no expectation.

Just because her heart tells her to.

Those moments always mean the most,

because they're never planned;

they're simply her.

She dresses for herself,

not for approval, not for attention,

but because she likes what she likes.

There's a quiet confidence in that,

a kind of independence

that makes her shine without trying.

She carries herself comfortably,

as though she's made peace

with being exactly who she is.

That confidence isn't loud,

yet it's impossible not to notice.

It's magnetic.

She listens, really listens.

Not just waiting for her turn to speak,

but with genuine care and curiosity.

She has a way of making people feel heard,

and I don't think she realizes

how rare that is.

And then there's that look she gets

when she talks about something she loves.

The sparkle in her eyes.

The excitement that slips into her voice.

The way her whole face seems to light up.

I always find myself watching,

completely captivated.

What amazes me most, though,

is the balance she carries.

She is soft without being weak,

strong without becoming hard.

She can be vulnerable

and still stand her ground.

Grace and grit,

all in the same person.

These are the things I love about her.

The things she probably doesn't notice.

The things she never tries to do.

The truth is,

it's not the grand gestures that make me fall for her.

It's the little things.

The quiet, beautiful parts of her

that simply exist,

even when she doesn't know I'm watching.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

My Addiction of Her + Song

My soul cannot be blinded by lust

she may never truly realise,

that I am a master to those who hate me,

and a slave for those who love me.

She has never seen me angry,

for my anger is fire,

and my care is warmth

during the coldest season.

I am a prey to love,

and a predator to hate.

I hope she knows that real kings,

bow only to their queens.

The rest will be taught to fear.

That is the true me.

When I was with her,

I was intoxicated all of the time.

Her kiss took me high like wine

her lips tasted like the finest honey

and her body smelled like sandalwood.

Maybe that’s why

I became addicted to her.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

Listen to Song

Letting Go Love Without Fear

I no longer measure love

by how much I cry or wait.

But by the peace I carry,

even when love changes fate.

It takes courage to love like this,

without asking for a return.

To stay soft but not broken,

and still let the heart learn.

This is what I lived and felt,

through love, loss, and pain.

That even when someone leaves,

I can still remain.

Now I understand one truth,

very quiet and very deep.

Love is not about holding on,

it is what the soul can keep.

Letting go is not emptiness,

it is love without fear.

A heart that does not cling,

yet holds everything dear.

When love and letting go meet,

there is no loss, no gain.

Only a peaceful heart remains,

beyond pleasure and pain.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind