Trying To Hate, I Loved Her More

I stayed away,

I fed poison to my mind.

I painted her memories in red

and warned my heart that she was danger.

I repeated every bad moment, again and again,

Like a prayer meant to erase her within me.

I reminded myself of the heartbreak

And the silence she left behind.

I spoke of her like a villain,

trying to create a darker version of her.

A creature that I can hate easily,

than the women I loved truly.

For she ignored my love

and shattered my heart.

She hurt my thoughts,

And fractured my mind.

So I built my anger, word by word,

Lie after lie.

Hoping hatred would grow,

One fine day I will forgo her.

Bloody hell,

After all these efforts,

Every part of me asked one question:

"What were you blabbering to us,

While we were all busy loving her?"

And my soul laughed softly,

"You fool, your hatred was only noise.

While you tried convincing yourself she was poison,

Every vein, every breath, every heartbeat,

every corner of you is still loving her".

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.