Mourning of My Illusion

She became my only priority,

I never thought I would for anyone.

I had so many people I could have chosen,

But out of all of them, I still chose her.

I am mourning for the one,

Who was never born for me.

I am grieving a version of her,

That my mind created to lure me in.

My grief is for my illusion,

Dreaming of a future that lived only in mind.

Explaining my pain feels impossible,

For my wound is deeper than languages can explain.

My heartbreak wasn’t just emotional.

It was beyond this world, it was spiritual.

My mind imprisoned my emotions,

Giving false hopes that one day she'd change.

I am not weak for holding onto her feelings,

I am not foolish for loving her deeply.

I wish her with happiness I never received,

May she find the joy she never found in me.

I crowned her and proved my loyalty,

Even when she made me question my own worth.

I hope she finds a good heart to reside,

The way she lives, inside mine.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.