The Prize of Her Peace

Memories of her

tie me down like chains.

I let her go even when every part of me

screamed to keep her.

I left so she can live,

so she could breathe,

so she could have the happiness

I could never give her.

When I see her happy with someone else

every nerve inside me

wants to pull her back.

But if I do,

I know I will ruin her life,

Every smile she shares with others,

cuts like glass through my heart.

I live in a paradox,

wanting her close,

while knowing if she stayed

it would destroy her peace.

So I walk away, carrying the weight

of a love that I can never have.

My love turned inward,

eating itself alive.

I desired the unattainable,

hurting again and again.

Sometimes I wonder

if I’ve made a pact with chaos,

Destined never to find peace

because I keep chasing

what was never meant for me.

My own heart became the enemy,

it pushed away the right person.

Because it was scared,

because it was broken.

I loved someone

who could never truly be mine.

And I continued loving her

even while it destroyed me.

I am surviving without her,

and hating myself for it,

every second of every day.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind

**Do not judge my life based on my poems; My Poems and my life are 2 different things.