A War Within My Heart

When thoughts of her

became too heavy to carry,

something inside me kept saying,

"She is only an illusion."

Maybe she was someone

my mind created,

with all the goodness

I wanted to see.

I made her perfect,

so perfect that no real person

could ever be like that.

Now I feel stuck

in a story I never planned.

Sometimes I don't know

if I am living in reality

or lost in my own imagination.

But the pain feels real.

Missing her feels real.

Thinking about her feels real.

The emptiness she left behind

feels real too.

The truth keeps knocking at my door,

louder every day.

Maybe the person I loved

was not really her,

but the version of her

I created her in my heart.

Still, I cannot let go.

Her name remains somewhere deep inside me,

hidden beneath all the questions,

all the confusion,

and all the hurt.

And every day,

there is a war within my heart,

between what I know is true,

and what I still want to believe.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind