not once, not twice, but many times.
It was stabbed, it was broken,
and it was crushed without mercy.
But even after all that
nothing hurts more
than the pain of losing her.
Once, I felt like the luckiest man alive,
just because I loved her truly.
But slowly, I started feeling like the unluckiest,
when I realised,
I never even had a small corner in her heart.
There is not a single part of her,
that I can say I do not love.
It feels like I buried my real self for her,
because I was never like this way
for anyone or anything before.
When I understood
that I could never have her,
I chose to keep my distance.
But pretending not to love her,
pretending not to care,
hurts far more than hatred ever could.
She does not just live in my thoughts anymore.
She has become a part of my nervous system.
At first, I thought she only lived in my heart,
but she has gone much deeper than that.
Now her absence feels like,
a missing part of my own body,
as if something inside me
was taken away forever.
By
Sanji-Paul Arvind
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