Emotional Withdrawal

When my heart feels deeply hurt,

criticized, or overwhelmed,

my brain quickly shifts into survival mode.

My heart starts beating faster,

and thinking clearly becomes harder.

I know exactly what I want to say,

but I cannot get the words out.

It is my brain's way of dealing with

too much emotional stress all at once.

People often think my silence is withdrawal,

but it isn't.

When I was young,

I learned that staying quiet

was the safest thing to do

the best way to avoid getting into trouble.

As I grew older,

that reaction became automatic.

Pulling away made me feel safe.

Staying quiet often felt easier

than trying to explain how I felt inside,

because people often hear

what they want to hear.

I have felt ignored, rejected,

and pushed away.

My heart starts racing,

my chest feels tight,

and my thoughts become tangled.

I feel like disappearing into silence.

So, when I go quiet after being hurt,

it doesn't always mean I don't care.

It simply means my mind is trying to protect itself

from emotions that feel too heavy in that moment.

My silence is not the absence of feelings.

It is the weight of feelings

I cannot yet put into words.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind