I don't know how to tell her
that she has become a habit
that I long for every day.
I want to tell her that I am sorry,
because I was too bold once
when I admitted what she meant to me,
and she didn't believe it.
My intention was simply
to be a good friend to her,
but I fell in love
without even realising it.
She was supposed to be one of my friends,
but somewhere between our togetherness,
between our conversations,
there came a gap.
I wanted to remain just a friend,
but I hated that distance
and kept trying to fill it.
All those moments with her
created beautiful memories,
memories I began to long for.
I never realised
that I had started falling for her.
Maybe that is how love happens.
I didn't plan it.
I didn't ask for it.
She didn't ask for it either.
And yet,
somewhere between the conversations,
the laughter, the little moments,
and simply being around her,
love happened.
It became the scariest confession of my life.
I never wanted to confess it,
but somehow,
she happened to me
as if she was always meant to.
If one day I leave this life,
remind her that I loved her fully.
Maybe it was not perfect
in the ways people expect love to be,
but it was real.
I never faked my care for her.
Nor did I ever do anything for her
expecting something in return.
Everything I did
came from my heart.
Somehow, she became a part of my every day.
Her thoughts became a habit,
and without them,
something inside me feels still.
I tried every possibility
until there was none left.
And perhaps that is the hardest part of loving her
knowing that I gave everything I could,
and still,
there was nothing more I could do.
By
Sanji-Paul Arvind
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