If I have to love her
with an explanation,
I have none.
If I have to love her
with reasons,
I have none.
Because my love for her
was never created from a list
of reasons that I could explain.
Seeing her happy
is all I ever needed.
Every time I see her smile,
I fell in love with her again.
Her happiness makes my heart happy
in a way I cannot explain.
I wish all good things
would reach her
without her even asking for them.
Somewhere in my heart,
I believe that wherever she is,
the universe is treating her with kindness.
Maybe this is the only explanation
I can give for why
I love her so much.
A broken heart inside a body
pretending to be complete.
A loving heart inside a mind
that keeps telling it to let go.
Sometimes I feel
I am finally healing from her pain.
And then, the next day,
one memory of her
brings all the pain back.
I deleted everything that reminded me of her.
I stopped checking for her online.
I stopped looking for signs of her.
I am trying to move on.
But every time I hear her favourite song,
taste her favourite food,
or catch a scent that reminds me of her,
I find her again.
Sometimes it brings a smile to my face.
Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes.
But slowly,
I am learning something.
I don't have to forget her
to move forward.
I don't have to stop loving her
to start living again.
Some memories will stay.
Some feelings may never completely disappear.
And maybe that is okay.
Because she was once
a beautiful part of my life.
Now, I am slowly building my life again,
not without the memories of her,
but with the strength
I found it while learning to live without her.
By
Sanji-Paul Arvind
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