My Heaven and Hell in Her

I love her so much

because, through her,

I saw a version of myself

I had never seen

in my entire life.

With her, I felt like I was finally

with the right person.

The happiest version of me

only seemed to exist in her presence.

She became the only place

I never wanted to leave,

yet somehow, I couldn't even take

one step into that place.

And perhaps that is what hurts the most.

The only person I loved more than

anyone on this earth

became the person who could cause me

the deepest pain.

I wanted her to be the reason

behind my smiles.

I never imagined she would also become

the reason behind so many tears.

I never knew I could cry this much.

I could look at her for an entire lifetime

and still feel that it wasn't enough.

There was always something more

I wanted to see, something more

I wanted to know, something more

I wanted to love.

But her last words still echo in my ears.

I gave my heart to someone

who somehow knew

exactly how to break it.

And she left me with a kind of pain

I never knew existed.

I had heard stories about heaven and hell.

I never believed both could exist

in the same place.

Until I loved her.

She showed me heaven when I was with her.

And she showed me hell when I lost her.

And the hardest part was realizing

that both of them

existed in the same person,

the one my heart still longs for.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind