My Heaven and My Pain

I love her so much, for with her I could see

A version of myself I had never known to be.

I felt I was finally with the right one,

And in her presence, my happiest self was born.

She became the only place I never wanted to leave,

Yet I couldn't take one step there, no matter what I believed.

She felt like a home my heart longed to know,

A place I could see, but could never go..

My greatest disappointment, my deepest despair,

Was that the person I loved most could leave me there?

The one I loved more than anyone on this earth,

Caused me pain, I never knew since my birth.

I wanted her to be the reason for my smiles,

The reason my heart could forget all its trials.

But somehow she became the reason for my tears,

And I never knew I could cry like this through the years.

I could look at her for a lifetime and still feel less,

as she is something I had never witnessed.

A thousand years could pass endlessly,

yet I would still look at her differently.

Her last words still echo inside of my ears,

The words of her carried all my fears.

I gave my heart to the one I truly loved

And she became the reason for tears that overflowed.

She gave me a pain I never knew existed,

A wound that remained long after she resisted.

I had heard stories of heaven and hell,

But never knew they could exist in one person so well.

She showed me heaven while I was alive,

Then showed me hell and left me barely to survive.

And perhaps that is what my heart cannot explain,

How the one I still love became both heaven and pain.

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind