She was the one I loved
the most in this world.
But what if I never truly met her?
What if the girl I loved
was only the one
my mind slowly created,
from small smiles, few words,
and silent moments?
My brain collected little signals,
what I saw, what I heard,
and built a whole person
from those broken pieces.
Maybe she existed only inside me,
not as she really was.
The girl I knew and the girl I describe
are not the same.
Maybe both are only dreams.
I have always seen myself in others,
finding my own feelings
inside their faces.
Perhaps everyone I meet
is partly made by my own mind.
The real her lives somewhere
I can never reach.
What if she was only an experience
my mind created?
Then maybe we never truly met,
yet somehow I still fell in love.
Maybe I loved my nervous system's
best guess of her,
a beautiful reconstruction,
living quietly inside me,
without me ever knowing.
And that is the strange sadness,
a heart full of love for someone
who was real, yet never fully known.
A relationship that felt completely true,
even if it never truly existed.
By
Sanji-Paul Arvind

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