I Am Still Learning

I wish I had learned how

to live without her,

as I am trying to every day.

Learning how to start my mornings,

to wake up without seeing her face,

without telling her how beautiful she is,

without calling her name and saying GM,

without having her in my arms.

Learning how to spend my day

without calling her again and again,

without wondering where she is,

without thinking if she ate on time,

without asking how her day was.

Learning how to end my days,

without a hug when I come home,

without kissing her forehead,

without holding her hand while walking,

without her sitting beside me at dinner,

without our late-night talks,

without feeling her close to me,

and without her in my arms when I sleep.

Learning how to live

without her, without her love,

without her warmth,

without her comfort.

Learning how to live my life

when I always thought

she would be a part of it.

Learning how to live

with only her memories,

searching for a place

that no longer exists...

the place where I was once

the happiest.

Learner

Sanji-Paul Arvind