Did She Ever Really See Me

I have looked temptation in the face,

and I said, "I already have someone precious".

Even when I had many people who loved me,

I still chased the feeling of being chosen by her.

Now I pray not to be loved anymore

as love has become a tool

for liars, cowards

and people who are always ready to leave.

It is hard to find someone

who stays the same when life gives choices.

when desire gives a person another option.

She treated me merely as an object

and treated me like an utility

and failed to see me beyond that.

I was just her entertainment,

her emotional convenience,

and a source of comfort.

And I thought it was love.

She made me look like a joker,

and in that moment

I felt sadder than I ever did

when I was invisible.

She appreciated my mind,

but not my heart,

she enjoyed my presence,

but failed to see my essence.

I was confused between,

being admired, being needed,

being desired and being truly loved.

I often wonder

What did she see in me?

Or did she ever see me at all?

By

Sanji-Paul Arvind